Had planned to sit in at least some of the governing council sessions, be a good soldier. But my guts, under a potent combination of rich hotel food plus the ubiquitous jalapeños in many of the dishes, cast a dissenting vote. So I have an excuse from my innards to hide out and enjoy the antiseptic solitude of my room, mine for another 2 1/2 hours at least, when "my room" abruptly becomes someone else's room.
Hotels and motels create a jarring sense of ephemeral "home". They use lots of homey images and gestures of hospitality, and they are sincere so long as the terms of the transaction remain in force. If the card is declined, then relations become far less warm.
But this is thus far not the case, and so I have a few more moments to reflect in solitude before travel and the rest of life take their hold.
At risk of being somewhere between melodramatic and credulous, I feel this conference has changed me. The shape of this change has been...
a) Belonging: I have, almost to my surprise, a new tribe, one that overall I like and find admirable and with whom I have a surprising amount in common. This commonality is related to profession; to a similar desire to dig deeper within ourselves, among one another, and with the people we serve; and to a genuine sense of being on a journey.
b) Challenge: the Tavistock material, although I am far from being able to say "I get it", is rich and compelling and is deeply germane to my present life and work. Uncovering the depth of dream and of body-knowledge, "body within a body within a body", and experiencing vocation as interplay of self, role, and larger structure makes sense. The points of stress and crisis, wherein an individual or a structure reverts to fight/flight especially, I recognize as playing out in my former parish, in the hospital, and in many other aspects of my personal and professional life. It's visible in national life now, as people talk openly of fleeing the country in case of a Trump presidency. Much to masticate, and to try and put "on the road", step by step.
c) Future: most of the folks I met are in process, towards clinical certification as chaplains, or as pastoral counselors, or as "diplomates" or CPE supervisors. And some with whom I spoke accomplished much of their supervisor-in-training work on-line. Two years ago I found myself pondering seeking CPE supervisor certification, but decided I did not wish to move across the country and/or take a drastic salary cut in order to do so. Discovering that just maybe things could be "worked out" is very intriguing indeed!
One of many "ahas" that I experienced here is that, at age 57, I had begun to see myself as old and done with further vocational development. I think that is far from true and, whereas I do not intend to go $40,000.00+ into debt to get a PhD, I could go in some other directions that would be a better fit for my gifts, passions, and circumstances.
Who knew that Salt Lake City could make one younger? I don't think even Brigham Young imagined that.
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